♥ Faith.

It’s okay.

I’d say, it’s okay.

But the truth is, I’m not okay.

When you told me you and her had a couple shirt, I was still normal. It was the fact that you told me you wanted to wear it out WITH ME tomorrow. And the fact that you seemed happy that you had a couple shirt.

Then you come and tell me you didn’t want to and you bought because she sort of hinted it.

Which side of you am I supposed to believe?

Anyway, I realise that I have no right to be angry. At all.
So I said it’s okay.

The truth is, it hurts so damn bad.

Sometimes I wish it could all start over.

God, everytime something like this happens, I run back to You again. Honestly, I feel so bad because You are supposed to be number one in my life and I cannot only talk to You when something happens to me. God, I am so sorry. Please enlighten me and let the Holy Spirit fill me so that anytime, anywhere, I will constantly think and praise You because You deserve all the glory and praise and even if we don’t do anything, You will let everything come in our way as You wish. I pray that is the case because now there is nothing I can do about this except walk Your narrow path and dear God, I know Yours will be done. That is the only solace I can find, and the only thing I put all my faith in. In You, Jesus, and Your promises. Amen.

Fading conversations

23/02/09 JJ: Haha. Big eye. You still got choir? -17:46 JJ: Ya what i am complimenting you. Eh why your shirt got such a big hole you still dun change? - 17:57 JJ: Sorry i dozed off. Nope today dun have. What made you think we had trainings on thursday? -20:21 JJ: Me la. You dun look like. Hahaha. My bf is elmo! - 20:49 JJ: You?! Many bfs! Hahaha totally unthinkable. Hahahaha - 20:54 JJ: -.- are you still in school? Or go home la. Wl dun lie la. Deep down you are actually trying hard to find a boyfriend right! - 20:56 JJ: Wl. School got so many. Outside one? Teck huat la. Hahahaha - 20:59 JJ: Ya. He is! Hahahaha. Dun lie la. Hahaha. Like him say la. Dun shy - 21:01 JJ: ….. You going on diet? - 22:21 JJ: What. Okay.. Lol. Ya you should eat more! - 22:29 JJ: Really? Haha. oh ya. You haven watch movie with me. Hahaha - 23:20 24/02/09 JJ: Haha. What! Whose the pig la. Haha. Actually your nostrils quite big. You flare then you really look like a pig. Hahahaha - 17:38 JJ: Haha no its very obvious. Hahaha. Really got treats right. - 17:46 JJ: Haha. Sure sure. Yay tomorrow is a short day! Eh do you exercise regularly other then pe? No right. - 18:32 JJ: Haha then who? Ya haha. Wind big will blow you away. Hahah - 19:12 JJ: You lo. Hahahaha. I know la. Zzz. - 19:54 JJ: How she aa? Haha. Ya ya. Im going to tell on you now -.- - 20:16 JJ: Haha. Really? Wl dun care about her la. Lol why you notice her so much for what. - 21:03 

Scaffold.

As long as you are still holding on and you still believe, it doesn’t matter what happens now. Do you know that?

I hope I am on the correct path now. God, I really pray that I am on Your path.

Proverbs 3:5-6.

I love You, and you.

Friends, for now

Thank you for singing 1, 2, 3, 4 to me :)

Give me more lovin’ then I’ve ever had
Make it all better when I’m feelin sad
Tell me that I’m special even when I know I’m not
Make me feel good when I hurt so bad
Barely gettin’ mad
I’m so glad I found you
I love being around you
You make it easy,
As easy as 1 2, 1 2 3 4
There’s only one thing, to do, three words, for you
I love you.
There’s only one way, to say those three words
and that’s what I’ll do
I love you.

I truly hope so.

Name: Jing Qi
Date: 10/25/2009
Colorgenics Number: 65312407

You appreciate the better things of life and you don’t particularly want to strive in order to achieve them. What a pity you were not born into the Gentry with servants, etc. Unfortunately - life is not like that. You have the ability to be whatever it is that you would like to be but you must make the effort.

Being a likeable person you get on well with neighbours and friends. You don’t need anything to ‘Rock your boat’. You want to ‘love’ and to be loved’.

Enough is enough - but the problems never seem to stop. They never stop. You feel, and maybe you are right, that the problems seem to go on and on and you have indeed had more than your fair share of trials and tribulations. But to give you credit - you bounce back time and time again - you stick to your beliefs because deep down you have that inner knowledge, that ‘belief’ system that in the end, everything will turn out OK - and you are right -it will!

You are being unduly influenced by the situation that is all around you. You do not like the feeling of loneliness and whatever it is that seems to separate you from others. You know that life can be wonderful and you are anxious to experience life in all its aspects, to live it to the full. You therefore resent any restriction or limitations that are being imposed on you and you insist on going it alone.

You need to be needed and would like a situation where you will no longer be subjected to pressures and demands from those about you. There is no harm in ‘dreaming’ but it is you - and only you - that can be able to realise those dreams and to turn them into reality.

Start trusting and stop thinking

Your Existing Situation

“Inclined to choose luxurious things, which are gratifying to the senses. Turned off by things which are tacky and tasteless.”

Your Stress Sources

“His current situation or relationship is not up to par, but cannot improve it without help. Hides her vulnerability by holding back affection or being overly expressive. The relationship may be depressing, but the fear of losing too much keeps her around. she wants to be independent and free, but fears the future will be just as disappointing. her situation leaves her sensitive and impatience, seeking a quick escape. her restlessness may destroy the ability to concentrate.”

Your Restrained Characteristics

Open and emotionally involved in relationships and easily finds satisfaction through sexual activity.

“Emotionally withdrawn, feels forced to make compromises which makes emotional attachments difficult.”

“Current situation makes her feel unable to prove himself, but tries to make the best of things.”

Conceited and is easily insulted. Holds back emotionally but is able to find satisfaction through sexual activity.

Your Desired Objective

“Has a strong desire to contribute and influence others, but it can make her restless. she is driven by her desires and hopes. Enjoys a wide range of activities, but she may spread herself to thin taking on too much.”

Your Actual Problem

“Feeling anxious and restless frustration toward current situation or unfulfilled emotional requirements are causing stress. she feels misunderstood, used, and anxious. she strives to search for new relationships or environment, in the hope they may offer her happiness and peace of mind.”

Your Actual Problem #2

“Feeling held back and restricted from moving forward, looking for a solution that will give her more freedom and less obstacles.”

Tempted and trialed.

Dear God, please help me walk in Your path. I think I am straying away. I don’t know anymore.

Today I talked to Abel. He made me feel better a little. I just wish I know Your plans. However great they may be, I know You have Your ways and means of achieving this and I just want to believe in You. But I am not omnipotent like You are, and I am only human. I don’t know which paths to take, which decisions to make. Sometimes I wish You were here to guide me, show me the way, the light, the truth and the path I am supposed to take.

God, I wish You were here with me right now.

Then again, You are here, in my heart, as the Holy Spirit. I would like to believe in that, very much.

Lord, here I am, asking You for Your grace to let me get through this period. I think this year and the next will be one of the most physically and emotionally draining periods I will go through in my life. Lord, I ask that You will let me depend on You and that I will constantly depend on You for everything and that I will always believe in You and keep the faith.

I just need to believe so I can walk your path and that You will always heal my heart no matter what happens. Also, for the grace to accept whatever it may be, however this ends.

I need You, Jesus. I know You are here, for me, always.

Pretending I don’t care,

I want to tell you how I really feel, but I can’t.

So I can only write here because I know it’s the last place where I can safely write about my feelings and you won’t read.

I want you to want me. I want you to love me.I want you to make me feel like the happiest girl on earth, the only one in your heart.

I just want to be yours, and yours alone.