♥ Faith.

But life goes on.

These few days have been an emotional roller-coaster.

On my mum’s birthday, you told me you think we can never be together, and you want to be friends with me. You told me you love her more than you love me.

I cried. My heart died. I was calling out for God.

The next day, I thought God answered my prayers. You called me countless times, and when I finally picked up the phone, you talked to me as if nothing had happened last night. You told me, that if you could, you would want to be with me. Me. Not her, but me. You said that.

You said that.

The next day, you called me again. I questioned your weirdness. You told me that you only treated me as a friend. But I know, I just know that it’s impossible. You don’t feel that way. If you do, why did you tell me all sorts of stuff otherwise?

I don’t believe you.

I can’t.

I can’t believe you and lose everything I ever held on. I cannot believe that you treat me as a friend because that is the only thing I am holding on, the fact that you loved me. I cannot believe you said we cannot be together at all, because I know, I just know that we will be together some day.

That innate feeling. So hard to describe, but so strong.

I hope I am not deluded.

I hope you believe it in too.

But you don’t.

I really hope, hope for a miracle.

God, I depend on You. I know I shouldn’t be asking for fortune teller advice, but I really need some reassurance. Someone to tell me that everything will be okay.

You said that. You said everything will be okay, God.

He said that too.

I want to believe in You. I want to believe in him. I want to believe that everything I hold on to, everything, everything that is important to me, is true.

God. Please. Come. Save me.

& I’m sorry but I love you.